


Beatitudes

by laurashapiro



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Angst, F/M, MSR
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-03-11
Updated: 1998-03-11
Packaged: 2017-10-02 02:15:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1577
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laurashapiro/pseuds/laurashapiro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Great Mystery is solved. What will become of Scully and <br/>Mulder?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Beatitudes

**Author's Note:**

> I am firmly in the "Yes-but-only-in-the-last-episode" camp, as far as Mulder and Scully Romance is concerned. A recent thread on the subject got me thinking about that theoretical last episode, and, although I much prefer ambiguity to closure, what might happen if the Truth were finally found. What is Mulder without his obsession? What would Scully be without the force that drives them both? Carter and crew have been batting these questions about recently. In the following rather explicit tale Marguerite and I attempt an answer.
> 
> This was written well before the end of the series.

"Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.  
Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall be comforted.  
Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth.  
Blessed are they who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be   
satisfied.  
Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.  
Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God.  
Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the children of God.  
Blessed are they who are persecuted for righteousness' sake, for theirs is the   
kingdom of heaven.   
Blessed are you when men revile you and persecute you and say all manner   
of evil against you falsely for my sake. Rejoice and be glad, for great is your   
reward in heaven."

\--Matthew 5:3 - 12

*****

Reluctantly, Scully followed Mulder into his apartment and watched as he   
threw himself onto the sofa, careless of the rain rolling off of his coat onto the   
upholstery.

She didn't know what she'd been expecting. A celebration, maybe? A few   
beers tossed back in a bar, increasingly drunken toasts offered to each other, to   
Samantha, to the Smoking Man? A few minutes spent gloating in Skinner's   
office, followed by a thoughtful but happy dinner in a posh restaurant?   
Possibly, she admitted, a night (a lifetime) dodging the bullets of Those whose   
secrets they had finally unlocked forever.

But she hadn't prepared herself for this familiar, brooding silence.

"Maybe I should just go."

His hand lifted slightly in a vague gesture that could have meant go, stay, or   
any number of other things. Fine, then. Disappointed, she reached for the   
door, and then stopped.

Mulder turned toward her and regarded her with blank despair. The   
hopelessness of the expression was somehow incongruous on his face, and   
Scully realized that she recognized it only because it was an emotion she'd   
seen in herself. It was a face full of doubt.

Scully threw her raincoat over the back of a chair and sat down in it. She   
waited.

"I'm sorry, Scully. I...just feel empty."

"You got what you wanted, what you've dreamed of and searched for and   
fought for, for the last five years. Aren't you even a little bit smug?"

He grimaced. "I guess I should be."

"Relieved?"

Mulder's lip twitched, and his resolve crumbled. He buried his face in his   
hands. Scully's hand on his shuddering shoulders did not still his sobbing.

She held him for what seemed like a long time. Then she went into the   
bathroom and returned with a fistful of toilet paper.

"Here. You should really keep a box of Kleenex for situations like this."

Mulder attempted a smile and blew his nose. "Thanks."

Again, Scully waited. She reflected that she spent a lot of her life waiting for   
Mulder, one way or another. This time, however, she allowed herself a   
glimmer of hope. Perhaps now, as the truth they had sought shone brightly   
before them, Mulder could find some peace. He deserved it. And she   
deserved to know him fully, the complete man she had glimpsed behind the   
grief-stricken boy.

Still she waited, listening to the play of rain on the windows and the  
soft drips from her coat to the hardwood floor.

All at once, Mulder lifted his heavy head and turned to her. His words  
were spoken softly but they lanced through her like daggers.

"I don't know if this will make sense to you, Scully, but I feel like my life is   
over. I finally know everything I wanted to know, and now...I feel like I don't   
know anything, anymore. I don't know who I am."

Scully exhaled, her face grim with disappointment. "According to  
your badge, you're Special Agent Fox Mulder of the Federal Bureau of  
Investigation."

"And according to you?" he asked in a voice still darkened by tears.

"Mulder, I can't answer that question. I know who I think you are, and  
who I hope you will be."

"And who is that?"

She sighed and looked at her hands. "I think you're a man who chases  
shadows, a man who lives in darkness because he thinks he belongs  
there."

Mulder nodded, blinking rapidly as he looked out at the rain-sodden  
trees. "A man who belongs in darkness, and in silence."

"Oh, he excels at silence. Even after he catches the shadows and  
illuminates the darkness, he does not utter one single word to his  
partner all the way to his home."

Miserable as he was, Mulder could not miss the sting of pain in Scully's  
words. "Someone who hurts his partner."

"He shuts her out and leaves her in the cold and the rain," Scully  
whispered.

"He doesn't want to. It's for her own good."

"She's a grown woman. She doesn't need protection." There was more  
anger in her voice as she spoke.

Mulder faced her, his eyes pleading. "He needs to protect her. He has  
to prove that he CAN protect her. Not like..."

"I'm not your sister! I'm not a helpless little girl! I'm an FBI  
agent, assigned to perform impossible tasks with an impossible man!"

After this outburst, the only sound in the room came from the rain.

"Scully." He tried unsuccessfully to control the trembling of his hand  
as he held it out to her. She did not move, did not reach for him. "Am  
I really impossible?"

"I used to think you were merely unlikely, but I've changed my mind."   
She heard Mulder's chuckle and turned to him with fury in her eyes.   
"That wasn't meant to be funny. You've become a caricature of  
yourself, Mulder: the tragic hero, bearing the weight of the world on  
his slender back. Poor Mulder, who lost his sister. Poor Mulder, who  
lost his father and his faith. You ENJOY suffering, don't you? The  
ultimate masochistic turn-on--your aura of pathos! Saint Mulder,  
transfixed by the sword of Truth, patron saint of self-pity!"

She left her chair and stood in front of Mulder, looming over him with a  
ferocity he had never seen. "I lost my father, too. And my sister.   
And my faith. I lost my dreams of a family, of any hope of a normal  
life. I came THIS close to death from a form of cancer so rare that the  
oncolgists had to go look it up. That's what the Truth cost me,  
Mulder. But the one thing I didn't lose was hope. Through it all, I  
hoped that we'd live to see this day. I wanted us to be able to close  
the book at last so that we could get on with our lives. Christ,  
Mulder, I wanted us to be happy! Why can't you let us be happy?"

Her last words were half-sobbed, and Mulder could see the sparkle of  
tears in Scully's eyes. He took her hands in his to soothe her, but  
she pulled them away roughly. Mulder took a ragged breath.

"Scully --"

"Do you have any idea what these years have been like for me? I joined you   
fresh out of medical school, with my head full of facts, and watched you turn   
my notions of reality inside out. I knew myself, and I knew the world, and   
science could explain it all. Then I woke up one day to find myself digging up   
graveyards in the middle of the night to verify theses that came to you in a   
dream. In a DREAM, Mulder. The things I've witnessed at your side will   
haunt me for the rest of my life."

Scully could feel the blood rising to her cheeks as the tide of words held inside   
so long at last burst forth. "And sure, taking a few bullets is part of the job. But   
I've had my share of losses, and through it all YOU led me, Mulder, with   
your blind determination on your unshakable quest. Your passion, your need   
to know, your conviction that the truth is knowable, fueled us both through   
the insanity. I doubted myself, the evidence of my own eyes, every step of the   
way, but your faith was strong enough for both of us. It's all that's kept us   
alive. And now that we've solved the Ultimate Mystery, now that we finally   
know that elusive Truth we've come so far to find, you say your life is over?   
Well Mulder, you'd better find something else to live for."

She stopped, aghast. Tears stood in her eyes. The relief she felt was only partly   
obscured by her shame. She couldn't look at him.

Mulder's anger wasn't like hers, a sudden flare that cooled as  
rapidly as it heated. When Mulder finally succumbed to his temper, it  
was after a long, slow simmering and it glowed white-hot for an  
eternity. Fearing the emotional damage she had just caused, Scully  
immediately began to compose a careful apology in her mind. It was erased by   
the light touch of Mulder's fingertips brushing the hair from her face. He   
pressed his lips to her forehead.

She looked up, surprised, into eyes that smiled even as he regarded her   
soberly.

"Thank you," he whispered.

Scully could feel her heart beating, yet time seemed to stop. The air in the   
room seemed humid and heavy. Where just a moment ago she couldn't   
meet Mulder's gaze, now she couldn't tear her eyes from his. She felt his   
breath rustle her hair. She felt  
the heat rising from his body. The warmth seeped comfortingly through her.   
And in his eyes, in his face, she saw that something had changed. Something   
she now realized she had been waiting for.

Mulder seemed to see her dawning comprehension, hear her unvoiced "yes",   
for only then did his hand reach into the rain-tangled hair at the back of her   
neck and draw her lips toward his.

Her lips parted to receive the soft press of his kiss. Her heart hammered and   
the room disappeared as she became lost in the warm softness of his mouth.   
Her tongue darted out to caress him, to know him in a new way, and his   
answered hers in a playful yet urgent rhythm. When he broke away and   
traced a line of kisses down her jaw, she whimpered and pulled him back to   
her own questing mouth.

At last they drew apart, faces aflame, and regarded each other with glittering   
eyes. Into the silence he put

"Wow."

She said, "I think I need to sit down."

They sat, facing each other on the sofa, never breaking eye contact. She   
caressed his cheek, marveling at its texture and warmth, thinking of how   
often she had wanted to touch him this way.

"I suppose I should cry, 'What have I done?'"

"It's what WE'VE done, Scully. And we've done what's right. So right..." he   
murmured.

"And what we're going to do," she began, and checked herself, "I think?"

His eyes widened as he smiled. "I think so, too."

Scully discovered she was trembling with anticipation.

"Why Agent Scully, I do believe you're shivering. Allow me to remove that   
wet blouse." Mulder smiled broadly, his lazy, feline grin that always made   
her catch her breath, and reached for her buttons. Her impulse was to return   
his smile, to grin like an idiot in fact, but instead she coolly quirked an   
eyebrow at him while grabbing his hands, stopping him an inch from her   
shirt placket and the wildly beating breast within.

"There are other ways to warm me up, Agent Mulder, and they have more to   
do with removing YOUR shirt."

She held his long hands in hers for a moment, and then leaned forward to   
push his sodden trenchcoat off of his shoulders. Stroking his hard biceps   
through his jacket, she impatiently helped him shrug his way out of that, too.

"Why do you always wear so damn many clothes," she complained, yanking   
on his tie, and then kissed him again before he could answer. Soon he was   
divested of his offending shirt, Scully astride him on the sofa, her sweet   
warm mouth encircling his sensitive nipple.

Something had broken apart inside Scully, and she was devouring him like a   
starving animal. She was drowning in him, drowning in the golden heat of   
her partner, her friend, her confidante, her lover. As she burrowed into the   
hollow of his neck, her hands massaging their way down his strong back, all   
her stunned mind could blurt was "Mulder. This is Mulder I'm kissing,   
Mulder's beautiful sinuous body I'm caressing." Her experience was defined   
solely by the smell, taste, and sensation of his flesh under her fingers, her lips   
and tongue, and the hard heat of his sex against her thigh. She barely felt his   
hands caressing her through her damp clothes. So she was unaware of his   
own urgency until the tensing of Mulder's arms and a staccato shredding   
sound announced the destruction of her blouse.

Buttons pinged on the floor as Mulder pulled her head from his chest, kissed   
her hungrily on the mouth, and then dove for her breasts as though they   
were his only salvation. Scully threw her head back and moaned as Mulder   
kissed the uplifted tops of her breasts, his fingers coaxing her nipples to   
attention through the silk of her bra.

Then the bra vanished and Scully found herself beneath him, her bare back   
against the leather upholstery, twining her fingers in his hair as he suckled   
her with increasing intensity. His hands softly stroked the curves of her   
breasts as he nibbled at their rosy tips, and she gasped as she felt a tugging at   
her clitoris as though an invisible thread of lightning connected it to her   
nipples.

On hearing her gasp, Mulder suddenly stopped (her body cried out in silent   
protest) and propped himself up on one elbow, chin in hand. Her eyes met   
his, and for the first time she thought of how she must look: hair tangled,   
skirt askew, mascara blurred with rain and tears, lipstick smeared across her   
swollen mouth.

Mulder grinned, that divinely sexy grin.

Scully's panties went from damp to drenched.

"What?" she tried nonchalantly.

He grinned more broadly.

"WHAT?!"

Wordlessly, but still smiling, he never broke her gaze as he reached for her   
hand and placed it purposefully on his cock, which strained desperately   
against the front of his trousers.

A thrill ran through her, but she quelled it. The unmistakable evidence of his   
desire, the fact that he was so hard (so hard!) for HER, was all Scully needed to   
regain her composure. She slid gamely to the floor between his knees and   
began stroking him intently, all the while fixing him with her best 'you got a   
problem with that?' stare.

Far from having a problem, Mulder groaned. Scully bent forward and pressed   
her open lips against the thin fabric stretched taut over his need, and exhaled   
her hot breath against him. Feeling him shudder, she smiled contentedly and   
resumed her stroking, feeling her own desire tingling between her legs and   
echoing her caresses. Prompted by this, she unbuckled his belt and unfastened   
his pants, reaching her eager hand inside to cup his silken flesh in her palm.

He was hard, warm, tense in her hand, and he felt as if he belonged there. Yet   
it wasn't enough; she wanted to taste him, to fill herself with him. With a   
roguish gleam in her eye, she circled the tip of him with her tongue, and then   
sucked him into her mouth, a hungry growl emanating from her throat.

His hands roamed through her hair, not directing or forcing her, just gently   
telegraphing his appreciation and need. She wrapped her hand against the   
base of his cock and slowly moved her mouth up and down his length. His   
panting and low groans were a symphony to her, and she increased her   
pressure and speed slightly, relishing the intimate taste and texture of him.

She was surprised and faintly disappointed when Mulder gently pushed her   
away; he had felt so perfect in her mouth, and she longed to make him writhe   
under her ministrations. Her disappointment was forgotten as he rose to   
remove the rest of his clothes. He stood in the dim light of the window, blue   
shadows playing against the amber of his skin.

"My God you are beautiful," Scully breathed.

"Yeah, well, look who's talking," Mulder returned, moving toward her and   
helping her off with her skirt. Abruptly, he lifted her in his arms and replaced   
her on the sofa. Kneeling at her feet, he placed a kiss on the sodden silk of her   
panties. Her pussy thrummed in response.

Mulder picked up Scully's right foot, carefully removed her shoe, and   
caressed slowly up her leg before returning the foot to the floor and picking   
up the other. He unfastened her garters and rolled off her stockings, his touch   
a warm and gentle pressure against her aching flesh. Finally he removed her   
panties and pillowed his head for a moment on her russet curls.

"I don't know if you can believe me," he murmured, "but I've never taken   
you for granted. Not once. I guess I haven't been very good at showing you   
that."

Scullly stroked his hair, letting his words penetrate her.

"I will never make that mistake again."

So saying, he moved his head between her thighs and pressed his lips against   
the swollen bud he found there.

Scully's fingers curled reflexively in his hair as he opened his mouth against   
her, his sweet slick tongue devotedly lapping at her clitoris. She looked down   
to see him gazing up at her, and then closed her eyes as sensation overtook   
her.

Mulder's knowing tongue found her rhythm immediately, as though he had   
always known it. His tongue played over her, urging her skillfully toward   
release, and then he backed off for a moment, leaving her panting helplessly.   
After a brief beat of anticipation, he slid his long, tapered finger smoothly   
inside of her.

"Ah," she sang, clenching around it gratefully as he resumed his licking. She   
was blind with need, her whole being concentrated on the place where his   
flesh met hers, coaxing her gently but insistently to new heights. Her hips   
began to move, and he rode with her, his tongue dancing slippery on her   
center, his finger increasing its tempo as he moved it inside of her. Waves of   
pleasure lapped at her as inexorably as he did, building ever closer. At last the   
tide came in with a crash, and she cried out and bucked against him, he   
holding her, holding on, making it last.

Only when her internal pulse ceased contracting against his finger did he   
withdraw it, carefully, from her depths. She drew his head up and kissed him   
like one who has been lost and is finally found, savoring the length of his   
naked body against hers.

His cock throbbed insistently against her thigh and, reaching down between   
them, she slicked his first few drops of moisture across the tip of him. He   
inhaled raggedly.

"Scully, oh...Dana, I want you."

Scully shivered at the unexpected intimacy her name had in his mouth. She   
pushed Mulder's shoulders back against the sofa so that he was sitting. In one   
fluid motion she lowered herself onto him, until he was fully enrobed in her   
still-hungry body.

"Ohh," they both gasped, in awe at the sheer rightness of it.

They held each other tightly for a moment, sweat and desire gluing their   
bodies together, and felt their hearts beating. Then Scully began to move.

"Ahh," Mulder breathed, as Scully slid slowly back and forth, up and down   
the length of him.

"Mmm," she echoed, as each movement brought exquisite new sensation.   
She tightened herself around him and increased her tempo. Mulder reached   
for her breasts, cupping them softly, and then pinching the tips.

But Scully's only thought now was his pleasure, and she rode him with   
growing fervor until his faint smile was replaced with the glazed stare of   
wanton lust. Now it was Scully who was smiling.

She slowed briefly, grinding in small circular movements as Mulder grabbed   
her bottom and whimpered incoherently. Then she built the pace up again,   
watching as every nuance of her movement was reflected on his face. The   
pleasure she saw written there stoked her own fire, and she felt herself   
beginning again the climb toward ecstasy.

Shifting her position slightly, she was rewarded with the pressure of Mulder's   
cock against her g-spot, and, seeing that her own release was inevitable, she   
increased the intensity of her movements again. Marveling at the pure   
perfection of Mulder's cock inside of her, she looked down.

Mulder was gritting his teeth, trying to hold on. His beloved face was   
contorted in a familiar agony, the rapture of the martyred saints.

"It's all right," she uttered between gasps, dizzy with pleasure, "I'm...ohhh..."   
Her eyes spoke where her breath failed her. She reached for his hands, and   
squeezed.

Granted the permission he so eagerly sought, Mulder thrust deeply inside of   
her in counterpoint to Scully's snapping hips. She shuddered and gasped in   
climax, and triumphantly ground against him as she felt him grow larger.

"Aaahh!" he exploded, lunging against her, pulsing inside her.

Mulder held Scully against him as he came, and she reveled in the sweat-slick   
press of his chest against her breasts as they both shuddered in aftershocks,   
and their breathing began to slow.

He stroked her back between her shoulder blades as she lay on top of him, and   
then took her face in his hands.

"So, do you forgive me?"

"Ummm...what was I supposed to forgive you for, again?" she joked, and   
then made a little whining noise as he slipped out of her. Mulder sat up.

"I'm serious."

"Oh, Fox, so am I."

"'Oh *Mulder*, so am I,'" He corrected, eyes twinkling.

"Really?" She squeaked with laughter, "Okay, *Mulder*. I guess that feels   
natural, anyway." She stroked his cheek, and he caught her hand and kissed   
it.

"I meant what I said before, you know."

Scully peered up at him, smiling. "You said a lot of things just now."

Mulder's face was earnest. "I meant them all, Scully. But most of all,  
that I will never take you for granted again. I promise."

Her smile evaporated. Mulder saw the change; worried, he pressed his lips to   
her  
fingers once more. "Scully?"

"I'm afraid," she said quietly.

"Afraid? Now?" He encircled her with his arms. "After all we've  
endured, the monsters without and within," and here he touched her   
forehead reverently, letting his lips follow, "what can possibly frighten you   
now?"

"Only you." She shifted in his embrace and looked at him with eyes dewy  
with unshed tears. "That you'll forget, that you'll pull another disappearing   
act, that you'll take me for granted after all."

"Don't you believe me?"

"I want to believe," she began, then lowered her forehead to his  
shoulder and laughed in spite of herself. "I'm sorry," she hiccuped.

"It's okay. Besides, I'm a little afraid, too."

"Of what?"

"That you'll discover what a pathetic wreck of a man I really am."

She hugged him. "Then I'll have to find some way to keep you busy,  
won't I?" His laughter poured over her, healing them both. "Seriously,  
though, Mulder, what's going to become of us now?"

"Y'know, Scully...just because we've discovered Their secrets doesn't mean   
They're going to stop. Now that we know what's going on, we've got to stop   
Them."

It took a minute for Scully to realize what Mulder was talking about. For a   
moment the shift in mood affected her like vertigo, and then she sank   
gratefully into its familiar patterns.

"Mulder, are you suggesting that we engage in vigilante justice?"

He laughed, and kissed her. "As long as you're my partner, I feel capable of   
anything." He pushed a stray hair from her face.

"Besides," she said, "we can't quit now. There's still Bigfoot."

Mulder smiled. Scully nestled back into his arms, content. Her wait was over.   
And she knew that Mulder had found something else to live for.

 

END


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